That's right, I'm taking a break from the usual review posts, as those are not going to be EVERYTHING I do, just some thing I do fairly often, because it gives me a reason to have a blog. I'm not kidding, the only interesting things that happen un my life are covered by my Mom's blog. Don't believe me? Read it. You'd be surprised how interesting our lives can get. So, moving on, this is my ranking of all 11 Star Trek movies. From the race to stop V'Ger, to the Battle of Earth, I'll be ranking them all, from least favorite to most. So let's start with number 11!
#11: Star Trek
This is the part where everyone but Nel and mama Jae go "What?! How can he do that? How can he rank such a great movie so low?" My answer would be "Like that." Anyways, JJTrek is at the bottom because of all the Star Trek movies, it's the one that feels the least like Star Trek. Are the acting and crew relations there? Yeah, for the most part. Are the special effects good? Y. E. S. Is the plot as pourous as a sponge? Absolutely. Let's start with my biggest peeve: black hole time portals. Really, black holes are time portals. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, since sci-fi does this all the time ("Reduce the polarity of the neutron flow!" comes to mind), except for the fact that Star Trek has NEVER VIOLATED REAL SCIENCE BEFORE! As far as I know. Whenever they needed some thing done, they invented there own mineral, or ray, or whatever. But then they go and make black holes time portals. And then add the fact that they're not even consistint on whether it is one or isn't. Seriously, FIGURE IT OUT! This has the stench of Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the duo who wrote the totally terriffic (hint: NOT) film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, most likely because they DID write it. Then there's the action scenes. They were too Star Wars-esque. And I;m not saying that there's anything wrong with those. I actually rather enjoy Star Wars. But I watch a Star Trek movie to see Star Trek, not current day, poorly written sci-fi trying to pretend to be Star Trek with Star Wars action scenes. And then there's Nero. Not only was he played poorly (which I partially attribute to the script), but HOW DUMB COULD HE BE?! Really, how stupid can he be to not think to save his homeworld BEFORE going on a clearly suicidal attack on core Federation worlds. Really, even if he did destroy Earth, it's on;y a matter of time before he got defeated anyways. Even a madman would've considered actually saving Romulus from the 'immediate' danger first. And finally, why the heck did Spock Prime bring THAT much Red Matter? How much did the Romulon star need? Oh wait, he DID stop it. So he had extra because... Yeah, it's an Orci and Kurtzman story all right. And while they obviously can write summer blockbusters, it's also obvious they can't write genuine Star Trek.
#10: The Final Frontier
Yes, the traditional 'FF at the bottom of the list' trope. But here's the kicker: I actually liked this movie. It's not perfect, though it's obviously directed by Shatner, but it still had some decent parts. But Nel, I'm really sorry, but I have to say this: the scene where Uhura does her strip thing was just disturbing. She's a beautiful women, but she's too classy to strip. Anyways, I liked the idea behind the scene where Kirk says he needs his pain because it defines him. It may not have been acted as smoothly as it could've been, but it was still an interesting concept. Overall, it was okay, but it could've been a LOT better.
#9: The Motion Picture
Also known as The Slow-Motion Picture, this movie would've been pretty good if it weren't so darn long. It had an interesting sci-fi concept, a brand-new Enterprise, the same crew we came to know and love, and some good FX for the time, I'm guessing. Is they had just managed to get past the length, it would've been a really good film.
#8: Generations
While it was an okay movie, I'll always view it a little negatively for the destruction of the Enterprise-D. It wasn't just the fact that it was destroyed simply for the sake of making a new one for the next film, it was the fact that the Klingons simply got a few lucky shots in that killed it. Seriously, no one thought to check Geordi's visor? With the amount of times he's been kidnapped, you'd think this would be standard procedure by now. So the ship gets blown up. You know, if you're gonna kill off the Enterprise, at least make its death meaningfull, like in Star Trek 3. Here, it meant nothing. It just happened. Kirk's death, I'm surprisingly okay with. I honestly can't think of any way they could kill Kirk off that WOULDN'T tick off the Trekkie community. If I'm wrong, feel free to post the method, below, I'd like to see it. Anyways, it was an alright movie, better than the last three, but still not quite what it could've been.
#7: Innsurrection
Actually, this is the first Star Trek movie I ever saw, and it did convince me to start watching. So why did I rate it so low? Well, while I will always hold some nostalgia for it, I just don't think it was as good as it could've been. I do like the fact that Picard's fighting to preserve the Federation's philosophy, bu it's a pretty average movie. It's not terriffic, it's not horrible. It just is.
#6: The Undiscovered Country
Kind of ironic that Star Trek 6 ranks #6, but I digress. The movie was pretty darn good. I still have yet to forget the antigrav blood scene, which left me disgusted, shocked, and just a little bit awed by the audacity to put that in a movie. Overall, it was pretty good, and it's nice to see Kirk come to terms with the Klingons after the death of his son. A pretty decent movie through and through.
#5: The Voyage Home
If The Search For Spock was the answer to how you make a film after The Wrath of Khan. then The Voyage Home was the answer to how you make a movie after having made both of those: yopu make a light-hearted comedy. And it worked. My favorite part was the "nuclear wessals". That was priceless. So yes, it was a pretty good movie.
#4: Nemesis
I know, most people wouldn't have it anywhere near this high. I'll be honest, it is insanely underated. What most people fail to understand about this movie is that it's very esscence is a story of nature vs. nurture. Had Picard lived Shinzon's life, would he be doing the same thing? Had Shinzon lived Picard's life, would he act the same? It's an interesting debate, one that makes us question a hero we've known and loved for years. Too many people fail to see that. Does it have its flaws? Yes. It's a little too action-heavy, and the Reman 'mind-violation' scene was somewhat disturbing. But then you get Data's sacrifice at the end. And don't pull the whole, "We have B-4, he could come back!" argument on me. Data wouldn't assert his memories over b-4, he'd be essentially killing B-4. It's unethical. Data would not commit an action like that. He's gone for good, at least in my book.
#3: The Search for Spock
Widely regarded as the best odd-numbered Star Trek movie (can't believe it took me till now to finaly reference that cliche), and rightfully so, Star Trek 3 is a great movie. It really demonstrates Roddenberry's vision of people in the future really caring about one another, so much so that they'd be willing to sacrifice their carees, their ship, and their lives, all for the sake of saving their friends. To get the ending where Spock says "Jim. Your name is Jim." after the ending of Star Trek 2 is a great reward, and it really reminds you how easy it is to get attached to these characters. It is, in a way, the film that really shows Roddenberry's ultimate vision for humanity. And it's a vision that mankind needs to acheive.
#2: The Wrath of Khan
Yep, now I've really gone and done it. I rated JJTrek at the bottom, Nemesis pretty high, and WOK #2?! You're probably wondering what kind of Trekkie I am. Anyways, as many have already said, WOK is an amazing movie. It's so universal, that I'm not going to bother elaborating. You can look up other reviews if you want to know what's so good about it, assuming you're one of three people who hasn't seen it. And now, for the number 1 film in all of Star Trek, drumbroll please! (Dun, dun-dun-dun-dun!)
#1: First Contact
That's right, I just did that. I rated FC above WOK. Anyways, FC is an incredible movie. It's got Picard at one of his most complex points, a great villian, an interesting subplot, and lots of great sci-fi drama. Really, it's a perfect film for new inductees or seasoned veterans. It simply is the best of all the Star Trek films, hands down. Any resistance is futile. (Couldn't help myself.)
So that's my ranking. Is it conventional? Somewhat yes, somewhat no. Is it geeky? Absolutely. Is it likely to raise outrage in the geek community? That depends on how many people read my blog. But anyways, that's what my thoughts were, and no one but me can change them. Ensign, set a course for Rigel IV. Engage.
Hah--Wrath of Khan will still be first for me! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd so it will for many people. But not me.
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