That's right, I'm taking a break from the usual review posts, as those are not going to be EVERYTHING I do, just some thing I do fairly often, because it gives me a reason to have a blog. I'm not kidding, the only interesting things that happen un my life are covered by my Mom's blog. Don't believe me? Read it. You'd be surprised how interesting our lives can get. So, moving on, this is my ranking of all 11 Star Trek movies. From the race to stop V'Ger, to the Battle of Earth, I'll be ranking them all, from least favorite to most. So let's start with number 11!
#11: Star Trek
This is the part where everyone but Nel and mama Jae go "What?! How can he do that? How can he rank such a great movie so low?" My answer would be "Like that." Anyways, JJTrek is at the bottom because of all the Star Trek movies, it's the one that feels the least like Star Trek. Are the acting and crew relations there? Yeah, for the most part. Are the special effects good? Y. E. S. Is the plot as pourous as a sponge? Absolutely. Let's start with my biggest peeve: black hole time portals. Really, black holes are time portals. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, since sci-fi does this all the time ("Reduce the polarity of the neutron flow!" comes to mind), except for the fact that Star Trek has NEVER VIOLATED REAL SCIENCE BEFORE! As far as I know. Whenever they needed some thing done, they invented there own mineral, or ray, or whatever. But then they go and make black holes time portals. And then add the fact that they're not even consistint on whether it is one or isn't. Seriously, FIGURE IT OUT! This has the stench of Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the duo who wrote the totally terriffic (hint: NOT) film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, most likely because they DID write it. Then there's the action scenes. They were too Star Wars-esque. And I;m not saying that there's anything wrong with those. I actually rather enjoy Star Wars. But I watch a Star Trek movie to see Star Trek, not current day, poorly written sci-fi trying to pretend to be Star Trek with Star Wars action scenes. And then there's Nero. Not only was he played poorly (which I partially attribute to the script), but HOW DUMB COULD HE BE?! Really, how stupid can he be to not think to save his homeworld BEFORE going on a clearly suicidal attack on core Federation worlds. Really, even if he did destroy Earth, it's on;y a matter of time before he got defeated anyways. Even a madman would've considered actually saving Romulus from the 'immediate' danger first. And finally, why the heck did Spock Prime bring THAT much Red Matter? How much did the Romulon star need? Oh wait, he DID stop it. So he had extra because... Yeah, it's an Orci and Kurtzman story all right. And while they obviously can write summer blockbusters, it's also obvious they can't write genuine Star Trek.
#10: The Final Frontier
Yes, the traditional 'FF at the bottom of the list' trope. But here's the kicker: I actually liked this movie. It's not perfect, though it's obviously directed by Shatner, but it still had some decent parts. But Nel, I'm really sorry, but I have to say this: the scene where Uhura does her strip thing was just disturbing. She's a beautiful women, but she's too classy to strip. Anyways, I liked the idea behind the scene where Kirk says he needs his pain because it defines him. It may not have been acted as smoothly as it could've been, but it was still an interesting concept. Overall, it was okay, but it could've been a LOT better.
#9: The Motion Picture
Also known as The Slow-Motion Picture, this movie would've been pretty good if it weren't so darn long. It had an interesting sci-fi concept, a brand-new Enterprise, the same crew we came to know and love, and some good FX for the time, I'm guessing. Is they had just managed to get past the length, it would've been a really good film.
#8: Generations
While it was an okay movie, I'll always view it a little negatively for the destruction of the Enterprise-D. It wasn't just the fact that it was destroyed simply for the sake of making a new one for the next film, it was the fact that the Klingons simply got a few lucky shots in that killed it. Seriously, no one thought to check Geordi's visor? With the amount of times he's been kidnapped, you'd think this would be standard procedure by now. So the ship gets blown up. You know, if you're gonna kill off the Enterprise, at least make its death meaningfull, like in Star Trek 3. Here, it meant nothing. It just happened. Kirk's death, I'm surprisingly okay with. I honestly can't think of any way they could kill Kirk off that WOULDN'T tick off the Trekkie community. If I'm wrong, feel free to post the method, below, I'd like to see it. Anyways, it was an alright movie, better than the last three, but still not quite what it could've been.
#7: Innsurrection
Actually, this is the first Star Trek movie I ever saw, and it did convince me to start watching. So why did I rate it so low? Well, while I will always hold some nostalgia for it, I just don't think it was as good as it could've been. I do like the fact that Picard's fighting to preserve the Federation's philosophy, bu it's a pretty average movie. It's not terriffic, it's not horrible. It just is.
#6: The Undiscovered Country
Kind of ironic that Star Trek 6 ranks #6, but I digress. The movie was pretty darn good. I still have yet to forget the antigrav blood scene, which left me disgusted, shocked, and just a little bit awed by the audacity to put that in a movie. Overall, it was pretty good, and it's nice to see Kirk come to terms with the Klingons after the death of his son. A pretty decent movie through and through.
#5: The Voyage Home
If The Search For Spock was the answer to how you make a film after The Wrath of Khan. then The Voyage Home was the answer to how you make a movie after having made both of those: yopu make a light-hearted comedy. And it worked. My favorite part was the "nuclear wessals". That was priceless. So yes, it was a pretty good movie.
#4: Nemesis
I know, most people wouldn't have it anywhere near this high. I'll be honest, it is insanely underated. What most people fail to understand about this movie is that it's very esscence is a story of nature vs. nurture. Had Picard lived Shinzon's life, would he be doing the same thing? Had Shinzon lived Picard's life, would he act the same? It's an interesting debate, one that makes us question a hero we've known and loved for years. Too many people fail to see that. Does it have its flaws? Yes. It's a little too action-heavy, and the Reman 'mind-violation' scene was somewhat disturbing. But then you get Data's sacrifice at the end. And don't pull the whole, "We have B-4, he could come back!" argument on me. Data wouldn't assert his memories over b-4, he'd be essentially killing B-4. It's unethical. Data would not commit an action like that. He's gone for good, at least in my book.
#3: The Search for Spock
Widely regarded as the best odd-numbered Star Trek movie (can't believe it took me till now to finaly reference that cliche), and rightfully so, Star Trek 3 is a great movie. It really demonstrates Roddenberry's vision of people in the future really caring about one another, so much so that they'd be willing to sacrifice their carees, their ship, and their lives, all for the sake of saving their friends. To get the ending where Spock says "Jim. Your name is Jim." after the ending of Star Trek 2 is a great reward, and it really reminds you how easy it is to get attached to these characters. It is, in a way, the film that really shows Roddenberry's ultimate vision for humanity. And it's a vision that mankind needs to acheive.
#2: The Wrath of Khan
Yep, now I've really gone and done it. I rated JJTrek at the bottom, Nemesis pretty high, and WOK #2?! You're probably wondering what kind of Trekkie I am. Anyways, as many have already said, WOK is an amazing movie. It's so universal, that I'm not going to bother elaborating. You can look up other reviews if you want to know what's so good about it, assuming you're one of three people who hasn't seen it. And now, for the number 1 film in all of Star Trek, drumbroll please! (Dun, dun-dun-dun-dun!)
#1: First Contact
That's right, I just did that. I rated FC above WOK. Anyways, FC is an incredible movie. It's got Picard at one of his most complex points, a great villian, an interesting subplot, and lots of great sci-fi drama. Really, it's a perfect film for new inductees or seasoned veterans. It simply is the best of all the Star Trek films, hands down. Any resistance is futile. (Couldn't help myself.)
So that's my ranking. Is it conventional? Somewhat yes, somewhat no. Is it geeky? Absolutely. Is it likely to raise outrage in the geek community? That depends on how many people read my blog. But anyways, that's what my thoughts were, and no one but me can change them. Ensign, set a course for Rigel IV. Engage.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
TV Show Review #1
That's right everyone, in another first, I'm reviewing a TV Show! So I'm sure what you're asking yourself is "Why am I reading a blog by a geeky teenager who thinks he's incredibly funny but isn't at all?" That question, I can't really answer. But I can answer the question on why I chose to review a TV show: I wanted to try something new. So this time I'm reviewing a classic show that is beloved by cult members everywhere.
Beast Wars: Transformers
Never heard of it? Then you are clearly not a geek. I shun you for coming here without being a geek. Not really, but if you're a geek, then odds are you know Beast Wars (or "Beasties" as the Canadians called it [Don't ask]) is the best Transformers show there is., And no, I don't care about all you nostalgics saying the original cartoon was better, this show had CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and PLOT. Can you claim that? No? Then stop complaining and read the darn review.
Anyways, the backstory of Beast Wars is that the Autobots did manage to eventually defeat the Decepticons, and semi-unify Cybertron. Eventually, both sides underwent a process known as the Great Upgrade, through which all of them shrank to human size, the Autobots became Maximals, and the Decepticons became Predacons. Yes, I know that's the name of a combiner group from the old show, but moving on! The Predacons are treated like second-class citizens (so much for the Autobots being accepting and friendly), and some are tired of this. The few five who bother to take a stand unite under a Predacon named Megatron. Yes, it's cheesy, but he actually chose this name, instead of just having it like his G1 counterpart did. Anyways, they steal a sacred item (the Golden Disk, and no, there is no chocalate inside), a spaceship (apropriatly named the Darksyde [subtle, I know]), and make for quardinets leading to a massive Energon deposit on a planet. The only ship able to respond to their escape in time is an exploration cruiser, the Axalon. They chase their quarry through a transwarp portal, and after a fight sequence, both ships crash on the planet below. Neither side is sure where or when this planet is, due to the fact that many of the readings they get were unexpected. They discover that the planet has so much Energon, it will damage their systems if they have sustained exposure to it. To counter this problem, they adopt semi-organic form based off of animals, and proceed to fight each other. One of the Oredacons defects, making the sides even, and the Beast Wars begin! Admittedly, it's not the greatest opening, but it sets up the story well enough. It gets more interesting when they discover that a strange alien race has plans for the planet, and they did not involve all-out robotic warfare. Eventually the planet is revealed to be none other than prehistoric Earth, which means they're fighting at the time when Optimus and the others aboard the Ark are in stasis-lock, which is near-death for Transformers. This means that if Megatron finds the Ark, then, well, you get the idea. Time flux! So that's Beast Wars. It's not Shakesphere, but it works, and some of the writing can be genuinly amazing. The most often cited example of this is Code of Hero. I won't lie, I agree completely with the sentament there. That episode was amazing, and a fitting farewell to a beloved character. And if you remember back to my review of Survivor's Quest, (remember, the Timothy Zahn book that didn't feel like it was written by Timothy Zahn) you'll know that the great Simon Furman wrote the final episode, and man did it show. Characters died (he's very bloodthirsty), stands against evil were made, last-ditch attempts to stop the villians were successful, and overall, it ended the show on a great note. And then, they made Beast Machines (shudders). In one sentence, don't watch it unless you're a die-hard fan. That's the only way you'll like it. But anyways, Beast Wars was a teriffic show that deserves a lot more attention then it gets. Sure the CGI is dated, (especially Season 1) and yeah, they made some mistakes early on, but it was still a great show, and definetly the best of all Transformers shows. I still don't know why only a relativly small number have seen this show, because for a children's cartoon, it's not only got a lot of adult themes in it, it's just plain brilliant. Check it out on Netflix if you have it, but be warned that there streaming is currently missing Season 3. We'll work on correcting that. And once it finally is, things will be just Prime.
Beast Wars: Transformers
Never heard of it? Then you are clearly not a geek. I shun you for coming here without being a geek. Not really, but if you're a geek, then odds are you know Beast Wars (or "Beasties" as the Canadians called it [Don't ask]) is the best Transformers show there is., And no, I don't care about all you nostalgics saying the original cartoon was better, this show had CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and PLOT. Can you claim that? No? Then stop complaining and read the darn review.
Anyways, the backstory of Beast Wars is that the Autobots did manage to eventually defeat the Decepticons, and semi-unify Cybertron. Eventually, both sides underwent a process known as the Great Upgrade, through which all of them shrank to human size, the Autobots became Maximals, and the Decepticons became Predacons. Yes, I know that's the name of a combiner group from the old show, but moving on! The Predacons are treated like second-class citizens (so much for the Autobots being accepting and friendly), and some are tired of this. The few five who bother to take a stand unite under a Predacon named Megatron. Yes, it's cheesy, but he actually chose this name, instead of just having it like his G1 counterpart did. Anyways, they steal a sacred item (the Golden Disk, and no, there is no chocalate inside), a spaceship (apropriatly named the Darksyde [subtle, I know]), and make for quardinets leading to a massive Energon deposit on a planet. The only ship able to respond to their escape in time is an exploration cruiser, the Axalon. They chase their quarry through a transwarp portal, and after a fight sequence, both ships crash on the planet below. Neither side is sure where or when this planet is, due to the fact that many of the readings they get were unexpected. They discover that the planet has so much Energon, it will damage their systems if they have sustained exposure to it. To counter this problem, they adopt semi-organic form based off of animals, and proceed to fight each other. One of the Oredacons defects, making the sides even, and the Beast Wars begin! Admittedly, it's not the greatest opening, but it sets up the story well enough. It gets more interesting when they discover that a strange alien race has plans for the planet, and they did not involve all-out robotic warfare. Eventually the planet is revealed to be none other than prehistoric Earth, which means they're fighting at the time when Optimus and the others aboard the Ark are in stasis-lock, which is near-death for Transformers. This means that if Megatron finds the Ark, then, well, you get the idea. Time flux! So that's Beast Wars. It's not Shakesphere, but it works, and some of the writing can be genuinly amazing. The most often cited example of this is Code of Hero. I won't lie, I agree completely with the sentament there. That episode was amazing, and a fitting farewell to a beloved character. And if you remember back to my review of Survivor's Quest, (remember, the Timothy Zahn book that didn't feel like it was written by Timothy Zahn) you'll know that the great Simon Furman wrote the final episode, and man did it show. Characters died (he's very bloodthirsty), stands against evil were made, last-ditch attempts to stop the villians were successful, and overall, it ended the show on a great note. And then, they made Beast Machines (shudders). In one sentence, don't watch it unless you're a die-hard fan. That's the only way you'll like it. But anyways, Beast Wars was a teriffic show that deserves a lot more attention then it gets. Sure the CGI is dated, (especially Season 1) and yeah, they made some mistakes early on, but it was still a great show, and definetly the best of all Transformers shows. I still don't know why only a relativly small number have seen this show, because for a children's cartoon, it's not only got a lot of adult themes in it, it's just plain brilliant. Check it out on Netflix if you have it, but be warned that there streaming is currently missing Season 3. We'll work on correcting that. And once it finally is, things will be just Prime.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Movie Review #11
Ladies and Gentlereaders, we have reached a historic occasion: I have now published more than ten movie reviews! So, here we are, review #11, and the question on everyone's lips is: "Will The Dark Knight Rises be as good as its predecessor?". However, that is NOT the question I've come to answer. Instead, I'm giving a bit of a late answer to "Can Marvel pull off an Avengers movie?" That's right folks, today I'm reviewing the smash-hit (box-office at least) film, The Avengers!
The Avengers
Now, anyone who stayed for the credits of "Captain America: The First Avenger" saw the clip where Nick Fury approaches Cap with a mission that will apparently involve saving the world. "The Avengers" expands on that, and let's just say Fury does not lie about that subject. Our story starts at a S.H.E.I.L.D. base where the Tesseract (a.k.a. Cosmic Cube for you Marvel buffs out there) has activated, but no one has done anything that would cause this. Clint Barton, a.k.a. "Hawkeye" notes that since the Tesseract acts like a doorway, the change may not have been caused at their end of the door. Then a portal opens, and who should pop out but Loki! Evidently he's been busy, as he is trying to lead an alien army through to take over Earth. He proceeds to take over the minds of several people, including Barton and a physicist friend of Thor's. The unstable portal then collapses, and the S.H.E.I.L.D. base is leveled, but not before an action scene that results in the cube getting snatched by Loki and minions. Fury decides that the only way to stop him is to form a response team to find and retreive the Cube. So, he pulls together all the superheroes we've seen in the past movies (minus Thor, S.H.E.I.L.D. doesn't have a means of interdimensional communication. Yet.) to stop Loki's plan. They manage to find him, and while Hawkeye acquires a stabilizing agent for the portal, Cap and Loki do battle, and they are evntually joined by Iron Man. Amazingly, they manage to capture him and after a breif spring and duel with Thor, they head back to the Hellicarrier, and begin tracking the Cube, with help form Bruce Banner, a.k.a. "Hulk". Why is he here? Because the Cube emits small traces of Gamma Radiation of course! They need someone who is able to track it, so they call Banner. I haven't mentioned this yet, but Edward Norton, who played Banner in "The Incredible Hulk", does not return for this movie, and the role of Bruce goes to Mark Ruffalo (who's from Kenosha, Wisconsin, my hometown! [At least, that's what I call it. When you live in a place for ten years, it starts to feel like home. Go figure.]). Don't worry, no one else is replaced. Even Clark Gregg shows up again. Anyways, they search for the Cube, and it's evident that these people may not be the best team there is. Arguments frequently break out, and Loki sits in his cell, waiting for the inevitable clash. This happens when Hawkeye attacks the Hellicarrier, blowing up a huge section of the behemoth with an explosive arrow. S.H.E.I.L.D. tech is hardcore. This injures Banner, unleashing the Hulk. Hawkeye and crew take the prison area, free Loki, and easily trick Thor into the same cage Loki was in, which happens to be suspended above a giant airlock. Thor's cage is released (Spoilers: he survives), Hulk is knocked off by the Black Widow, who also frees Hawkeye, Shellhead (Tony for you laymen) reactivates the engines, and the bad guys escape. The tracking system is also destroyed, but since Tony is a "genuis billionaire playboy phillanthropist", he figures out that Loki's divaness means he wants to show the world just how beaten they are by moving the portal device to the newly commisioned Stark Tower. The heroes regroup in NYC, and Loki opens the portal. However, with The Avengers finally assembled (pun fully inteneded), can he ultimatly win? (Spoilers: He can't)
So that's the plot of the movie. It's not neccessarily big, but with a movie like this, a somewhat thin plot is needed to develop the characters. And developed they are. Each has their own distinct mannerisms and quirks, and all are played by great actors. RDJ, however, gets special kudos from me for totally pulling off every single one off Tony's fantastic one-liners. ("That man is playing Galaga! He tought we wouldn't notice, but we did.") Props also have to be given to Mark Ruffalo for easily assuming the role of both Banner and Hulk, especially given the fact that he was not in TIH. And then of course, there's Stan Lee in his funniest cameo yet (the entire theater died when they saw his part). But the real hero of the day never even showed up on the screen. Joss Whedon, (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly) co-writer and director, is the one who really made this movie a fantastic joy-ride. From incredibly witty humor ("Puny God!), to effective character managing, he made a masterpiece. In fact, looking back, this film shouldn't have worked. It's an incredibly ambitious move to get six superheroes all teaming up on the silver screen. Add to that the fact that you have to throw in a villian, this movie normally would've collapsed under its own weight. But Joss Whedon, with his effective directing, smart dialogue, and clear understanding of the charecters, managed to pull it all together. In my eyes, no one else could've pulled it off the way he did, and he deserves a lot of credit. And the action finale was amazing. All the characters were totally kicking alien butt, and looking awesome while doing it. This movie not only lived up to my expectations, it surpassed them by a large margin. This is the best sperhero movie I've seen since "The Incredibles", and you do not want to miss this amazing work of genius. And now, I shall end this review the only way one could. Excelsior!
The Avengers
Now, anyone who stayed for the credits of "Captain America: The First Avenger" saw the clip where Nick Fury approaches Cap with a mission that will apparently involve saving the world. "The Avengers" expands on that, and let's just say Fury does not lie about that subject. Our story starts at a S.H.E.I.L.D. base where the Tesseract (a.k.a. Cosmic Cube for you Marvel buffs out there) has activated, but no one has done anything that would cause this. Clint Barton, a.k.a. "Hawkeye" notes that since the Tesseract acts like a doorway, the change may not have been caused at their end of the door. Then a portal opens, and who should pop out but Loki! Evidently he's been busy, as he is trying to lead an alien army through to take over Earth. He proceeds to take over the minds of several people, including Barton and a physicist friend of Thor's. The unstable portal then collapses, and the S.H.E.I.L.D. base is leveled, but not before an action scene that results in the cube getting snatched by Loki and minions. Fury decides that the only way to stop him is to form a response team to find and retreive the Cube. So, he pulls together all the superheroes we've seen in the past movies (minus Thor, S.H.E.I.L.D. doesn't have a means of interdimensional communication. Yet.) to stop Loki's plan. They manage to find him, and while Hawkeye acquires a stabilizing agent for the portal, Cap and Loki do battle, and they are evntually joined by Iron Man. Amazingly, they manage to capture him and after a breif spring and duel with Thor, they head back to the Hellicarrier, and begin tracking the Cube, with help form Bruce Banner, a.k.a. "Hulk". Why is he here? Because the Cube emits small traces of Gamma Radiation of course! They need someone who is able to track it, so they call Banner. I haven't mentioned this yet, but Edward Norton, who played Banner in "The Incredible Hulk", does not return for this movie, and the role of Bruce goes to Mark Ruffalo (who's from Kenosha, Wisconsin, my hometown! [At least, that's what I call it. When you live in a place for ten years, it starts to feel like home. Go figure.]). Don't worry, no one else is replaced. Even Clark Gregg shows up again. Anyways, they search for the Cube, and it's evident that these people may not be the best team there is. Arguments frequently break out, and Loki sits in his cell, waiting for the inevitable clash. This happens when Hawkeye attacks the Hellicarrier, blowing up a huge section of the behemoth with an explosive arrow. S.H.E.I.L.D. tech is hardcore. This injures Banner, unleashing the Hulk. Hawkeye and crew take the prison area, free Loki, and easily trick Thor into the same cage Loki was in, which happens to be suspended above a giant airlock. Thor's cage is released (Spoilers: he survives), Hulk is knocked off by the Black Widow, who also frees Hawkeye, Shellhead (Tony for you laymen) reactivates the engines, and the bad guys escape. The tracking system is also destroyed, but since Tony is a "genuis billionaire playboy phillanthropist", he figures out that Loki's divaness means he wants to show the world just how beaten they are by moving the portal device to the newly commisioned Stark Tower. The heroes regroup in NYC, and Loki opens the portal. However, with The Avengers finally assembled (pun fully inteneded), can he ultimatly win? (Spoilers: He can't)
So that's the plot of the movie. It's not neccessarily big, but with a movie like this, a somewhat thin plot is needed to develop the characters. And developed they are. Each has their own distinct mannerisms and quirks, and all are played by great actors. RDJ, however, gets special kudos from me for totally pulling off every single one off Tony's fantastic one-liners. ("That man is playing Galaga! He tought we wouldn't notice, but we did.") Props also have to be given to Mark Ruffalo for easily assuming the role of both Banner and Hulk, especially given the fact that he was not in TIH. And then of course, there's Stan Lee in his funniest cameo yet (the entire theater died when they saw his part). But the real hero of the day never even showed up on the screen. Joss Whedon, (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly) co-writer and director, is the one who really made this movie a fantastic joy-ride. From incredibly witty humor ("Puny God!), to effective character managing, he made a masterpiece. In fact, looking back, this film shouldn't have worked. It's an incredibly ambitious move to get six superheroes all teaming up on the silver screen. Add to that the fact that you have to throw in a villian, this movie normally would've collapsed under its own weight. But Joss Whedon, with his effective directing, smart dialogue, and clear understanding of the charecters, managed to pull it all together. In my eyes, no one else could've pulled it off the way he did, and he deserves a lot of credit. And the action finale was amazing. All the characters were totally kicking alien butt, and looking awesome while doing it. This movie not only lived up to my expectations, it surpassed them by a large margin. This is the best sperhero movie I've seen since "The Incredibles", and you do not want to miss this amazing work of genius. And now, I shall end this review the only way one could. Excelsior!
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